Does Mom Work?

6 years ago I threw a parent temper tantrum because of something one of my kids said. And even though we all learned from the experience, it wasn’t the last time I got hurt and angry because of what they said. But I’m pretty sure I never threw a tantrum like that again.

Over the years, I’ve had to learn patience and give a little grace and choose not to be offended. I guess it’s part of being a mom. Actually, it’s really part of being a person. People say hurtful things. I like to believe that they just don’t know any better and are doing the best that they can with what they know.

I’d like to share a blot post I wrote the day of the incident.

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On Monday Corbin made a comment (and later Dyllan agreed) that I don’t do anything but make them do everything.  He was angry because I was giving him extra jobs, but I also got angry (my pride) and said “I’ll just stay in bed tomorrow and you can see how much I do.” 

Tuesday morning I actually stayed in bed.  I didn’t wake the kids up–they know to get up with their alarm and do their 5 jobs.  I didn’t help with the jobs.  I stayed in bed and read.  One part of me was wishy-washy, and I wondered the whole time if I made the right decision.  “Do I really not do anything?  Am I being prideful?  Will they learn anything from this experience?”  

Another part had a hard time sitting in my room doing nothing.  

I also thought, “My job is to teach my kids to run their own home, so if I’m doing things right, if systems are in place, they shouldn’t need me today.” But I know I do a lot of reminding–time to get up; you have 5 minutes; the kitchen needs cleaned; what is your job now; etc. Yes, I ask my kids to do a lot, but do I do my share, too?

I wrote down some of my thoughts as the morning went on.  I’ll share directly from my journal:

It is now 10:00.  It’s been a slow morning.  The kitchen is still a mess–all the food is still out and dishes haven’t been done, there is stuff on all the counters.  But, the bathrooms have been cleaned, kids are dressed and hair and teeth are brushed.  They are doing a lot of playing.  No one is there to remind them to work.  Braedi did take charge to get the bathrooms cleaned and it was her day to cook so she got breakfast made. Curtains are still closed in the bedrooms, stuff is on the floor, laundry hasn’t been started and I’ve only heard one mention of school.  At the beginning when Braedi too charge, Corbin had a hard time with her authority. Jonathan talked to him about his attitude.  I heard Dyllan and Ephram turn to Braedi for answers to questions.  

A little before 11:00 Jonathan and I called the kids in to talk about what happened.  We talked about Corbin’s feelings and my feelings.  We talked about communicating.  Jonathan shared his appreciation for me and the importance of the kids recognizing all that I do.  Then we went and cleaned the kitchen and read scriptures and had a little school time.  On Wednesday (instead of a musical) we watched a movie (Jimmy Neutron) where the parents are kidnapped by aliens and, after a day of fun and craziness, the kids realize how much they need their parents and how much their parents do.  I told the kids that we were watching that because I wanted them to learn something from it.  They got the point. 

I hope that the kids learned something from this experience.  They were surprised that I actually stayed in bed–so was I.  I think we all learned something.

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If you’re a mom, I’m sure you’ve had an experience similar to this. How did you react? What did you learn?

My sister-in-law shared in the comments part of a letter someone wrote to his mother. She believed there would be a day when my children would feel the same way.

“Dear Mom,

“For the last four years I have had the great misfortune of spending Mother’s Day away from you. Each year I have wanted to be with you and tell you just how I love you and how much I think of you, but since it is once again impossible, I will have to do the next best thing and send my thoughts through the mail.

“This year more than any of the others I can see just what having a wonderful mother has done for me. First of all, I miss the little things you used to do for me. Whenever I got out of bed in the morning, I never had to worry about whether I’d find a clean shirt and clean socks. All that I had to do is open a drawer, and I would find them. At mealtime I always knew that I would find something I liked, prepared the best way possible. At night I always knew that I would find clean sheets on my bed and just the right amount of covers to keep me very comfortable. Living at home was really a great pleasure.

My kids are a little older now. Yes, there are still days when they don’t like to work, and times when they wonder why I’m not helping them, but for the most part they are grateful. I get many a note or hug from them expressing gratitude for the things I have taught them and the things I do for them. They are good kids and I’m grateful to be their mother.