Go S.L.O.W. with your Children

Years ago I listened to a parenting audio and was recently reminded of it. Since I remember loving it, I decided to pull it out and listen to it again. The speaker shared at acronym that helped us remember how SLOW down and be a better parent. Below are some of the principles I loved from it.

Serve Them

As parents we serve our children from the minute they are born. We take care of their physical needs (feed, clothe, bathe, shelter), help them with chores and homework, give them rides to and from places, and do all kinds of other things for them.

Another part of serving is teaching them to serve others. Help them look for opportunities to serve family members at home. Teach them to say thank you to others.  Expect that they help when they are other places. Show them how to look for people who need help.

One of my favorite services activities we did as a family was last December. Each person was assigned another member of the family and for a week they had to secretly perform acts of service for that person. At the end of the week we all tried to guess who our secret service person was. The fun part came as we tried to trick each other into thinking that we were that person by doing service for multiple people or sneaking around and doing their chores. It was fun to find ways to serve without the other person knowing, and I think the mood in the house was a lot happier.

How do you serve your children?

Love Them

Each of us speaks and receives love in unique ways. Gary Chapman has written several books about the 5 love languages. There’s even some geared specifically toward teens and children!

Here are some ways you can love your child in their language:
Words of Affirmation—encourage them, tell them you’re proud and why, avoid harmful words, praise them, tell them you love them regularly
Acts of Service—pack their lunch for them, make their bed or do their chore, volunteer together, pick them up on time
Physical Touch—wrestle, give a hug, pat their back when you walk by, cuddle or hold hands
Quality Time—cook a meal together, take them shopping with you, spend 1on1 time together, play a game or read with them
Gifts—bring home their favorite treat from the grocery store, pick a flower for them, give a small simple gift, create a treasure hunt for them

How do you love your children?

Observe Them

This one requires that we put down our phones or books, stop talking to our friends and look at our kids. Give them your attention. Notice the good things they are doing. I took a parenting class back before I was even a mom and one of the things I remember from that class was “the behavior you notice the most is the behavior you will see the most.” How often do we correct a bad behavior when there is more power in noticing good behaviors? Our kids want to be noticed and they will do what it takes to get that attention. Also take time to notice good character traits and effort. Praise them for their honesty or when they are a good friend. Praise them for working hard on a project or music lessons. Praise them for doing a chore well or being obedient.

How do you observe your children?

Walk With Them

Spend time with your children. Do things together. Play games, go for a hike, watch a movie together. Visit a local splash pad, find a class to take together at your community center, go roller skating.  Visit a museum, attend story time at your library, go get ice cream together. Visit a farmers market and try a new food, plant a garden in your back yard, tour your neighborhood fire station. Eat dinner together, go to the zoo, do a craft together. Attend a concert in the park, read books together, go bowling. Cook a meal together, go to the park, build something with Legos or playdough. Learn a new skill together, watch the sunrise or sunset, write a story together. Have a pillow fight, play hide and seek, do a scavenger hunt together. Learn a magic trick, go camping, play a trivia game. Blow bubbles, play in the rain, tell each other jokes. There are so many things that you can do with your kids. Find something that you like to do and just enjoy each other’s company.

How do walk with your children?

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The Last Time
-Author Unknown-

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before, 
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

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The time we have with our children is short. I was grateful for the reminder to SLOW down and Serve my kids, Love them, Observe them and Walk with them. How do you go SLOW?