Creating Story

Have you seen the movie with Ben Stiller called “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”? Ben’s character, Walter, daydreams of a life full of action and romance where he is the hero. Eventually he decides that he can’t live life in a make believe world, so he takes action in the real world. He creates a story.

I’ve read a lot of books (good and bad), and my favorites are those where the character struggles to overcome obstacles to get what he wants–Jean Val Jean in “Les Miserables” overcoming his past; Jonas in “The Giver” overcoming the expectations of the dystopian society; Daniel overcoming his hatred in “The Bronze Bow”.  These books are good because they contain stories.

What is a story? I love the definition that Donald Miller gives of story in his book “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years”. He says a story is when a character wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. He says our life is a story. Donald tells about a guy who writes down everything he remembers. The guy says that he “captures memories, because if he forgets them, it’s as though they didn’t happen; it’s as though he hadn’t lived the parts he doesn’t remember.” Donald tries to remember some of his experiences, but he can’t remember much. He says “life isn’t memorable enough to remember everything.” He decides to create memorable moments in his life—riding his bike across America, founding a nonprofit, finding his dad and many more. His book is the account of how he learned to speak a better story.

Then I read another book. The mom relates a typical day. They are getting ready to go to the library. One kid can’t find his book; another is looking for her shoes; one is nowhere to be found; and the youngest is in his room playing. The mom is rushing around the house completing last minute tasks and yelling out reminders to her kids. After catching a glimpse of her harried self in the mirror she promises that tomorrow will be better. But as soon as that thought leaves, another takes its place. “This is what they’ll remember: today. Do I want all my kids’ memories to be like this?”

That really struck a chord with me. What will my kids remember of their childhood? Will they remember the times I yelled at them or the times we played pretend? Will they remember my frustrations or my teachings? Will they remember the time I sat in front of the computer or all the story books we read together? I want them to have good memories so I set out to make our days more memorable. I wanted to live a story—not only something that they could remember, but something that I would remember.

My husband says there is no such thing as a non-memorable day. He says that writing down events helps them stay in our memory. So (under the guidance of my mentor) I started keeping a daily journal–specifically of the memorable moments. At night, before bed, I sit and remember the day. I try to do it like an observer; like someone watching a movie. I try to use all my senses and remember emotions and non-verbal cues. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes there are boring, ho-hum days where I can’t remember anything special, but these days help me see the magical ones. My goal is to create and find memorable moments in the little things.

A few weeks ago I wrote about a memorable experience that I created. My 5 year old asked to have a tea party, so we made it our lunch.  We cut up apples and cheese, rolled pieces of meat, put raisins on a plate, made lemonade, and cut up small pieces of toast and rice cakes.  She wrote invitations, and I encouraged the kids to wear something from my closet.  I played the part and acted like a snobbish British lady.  “Darling, so good of you to come.”  “This tastes divine; I must get your recipe.”  I shared made-up stories about where the food came from and asked questions to get the kids to participate.  They just laughed at me and stayed their normal selves.  They made me laugh and act harder.  It was so much fun!  I hope they had as much fun as I did.  I’m still laughing as I write.

I’m not saying that we need to create memories. Most of the time they happen on their own—we just need to look for them and document them. I walked out of my room and saw my 9 year old reading to my 5 year old. They were just plopped on the floor in front of the bookshelf in the middle of the hallway. That prompted another memory of my oldest sitting on the couch with 2 kids on one side of her and another on the other side. They were all sitting on the edge of the couch listening to her read a picture book. It is so rare that one of the kids will read aloud to their siblings that I think it a special treat to see it twice in a week. Neither time did I want to disturb them. I just stood and watched for bit.

Not every day has good memories. But, I sometimes record the bad days because I remember that a good story has conflict. Today was a rough day. There was a lot of negativity all around. Fighting, arguing, contention. Almost everything that came out of my mouth was negative or rude or in a condescending tone of voice. I knew I was doing it but felt unable to stop it. I kept saying in my head “Just don’t say anything. Just keep quiet.” We couldn’t get it out of our system until dinner time. Ugh! How can I make tomorrow better?

Donald Miller ends his book with this thought: “We live in a world where bad stories are told, stories that teach us life doesn’t mean anything and that humanity has no great purpose. It’s a good calling, then, to speak a better story. How brightly a better story shines. How easily the world looks to it in wonder. How grateful we are to hear those stories, and how happy it makes us to repeat them.” If your (or your child’s) most vivid memory was of today, what would be remembered? What story are you telling?

I’d love to hear about a favorite story you observed or created in the comments.