Don’t Make Assumptions

Have you ever heard that silly saying about assuming? When you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. (pardon my french) It came to mind often as I read the third agreement.

The third agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements says “Don’t make assumptions. Find courage to ask questions and and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”

It is so easy to make assumptions. When a stranger says something rude, we assume he’s a jerk. When a friend forgets your birthday, we assume they are heartless. When a kid doesn’t do what you ask of them, we assume they are rebelling. When a cute boy smiles, we assume he likes us.

The human mind has a need to explain and understand everything in order to feel safe. If it doesn’t have all the information it needs, it will assume (or make up) the information. Don Miguel suggests that instead of assuming you should ask questions. Make the communication clear. Seek to understand.

To stop making assumptions we need to:
Be aware of how assuming leads to misunderstanding
Look for times when we assume
Ask questions and learn about the situation
Let there be multiple possibilities

Sometimes I like to tell a more positive assuming story. If a driver is driving crazy and cutting people off I like to assume that he is late for work or that his wife is in labor instead of assuming that he is just a jerk. Or if my kid doesn’t do what I ask the first time I can assume they didn’t hear me instead of assuming they are ignoring me. If my friend forgot my birthday I can assume she had a lot on her mind and reach out with assistance instead of assuming she is careless.

You can learn more about the first two agreements here and here. And listen to a podcast about the third here.

How have you made not assuming a habit?