5 Tips for a Stronger Marriage

Jonathan and I have been married for almost 18 years. We’ve had our ups and downs (as all marriages do) but we have grown more in love every year. It’s hard to even think that we could love each other more than when we first got married, but that was just a drop in the bucket compared to now. We’ve grown in so many ways and through the years have created a pretty good marriage.

Having a strong, healthy relationship takes work and means doing a few things consistently. You can have a successful relationship by following just a few simple tips.

Here are 5 relationship tips anyone can follow:  

1. Always look for ways to be better

You’ll often find me reading a relationship book or listing to a podcast about marriage. I understand that there is often something more to learn or something I can be doing better. Sometimes this doesn’t mean learning from an outside source, but having a conversation with your spouse. Try asking your partner what he/she needs you to do and work on doing that one thing for a month.

2. Make sure your kids know you love each other

It’s been said that the best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse. Kiss and be affectionate in front of your kids. Tell your kids how much you love your spouse. Let your kids see you doing kind this for each other.

When I was in college I had a teacher give me some great advise. He said to always sit next to your spouse. There will be times when your kids want to sit between you, but don’t let them. I think this has been a great way for us to show our kids how important our relationship is.

3. Understand your differences

Not only are men and women are different, but people in general are different. It’s important to know how. Learning your spouse’s personality type and love language is one way to be aware of differences. When I learned about introverts and extroverts and discovered that Jonathan was and introvert, a whole lot of things made sense. I understood some of his behaviors better. Also learning his love language opened my eyes to the way he felt loved.

Usually it’s the differences that first attract us to each other. Try to remember why instead of letting them become an irritation.

4. Go on dates

Jonathan and I have never been consistent about scheduling date nights, but we love the time we get to spend together. I remember feeling guilty when we first had kids. I was working all day and felt like it was more important to be with them than to go on a date. Thankfully I figured out that I needed to put my marriage first. We used grandparents as babysitters or did date night at home.

When the kids were a little older we did a babysitting swap. That was THE. BEST. THING. EVER. We found a couple other interested families and took turns babysitting. Each family babysat one week and got a date on the other weeks.

We still don’t put dates regularly on the calendar, but sometimes we recognize that we need time together and will send a short text asking the other person out.

5. Appreciate (not expect or demand)

Often we go through stages. We appreciate when our spouse does something unexpected like unloads the dishwasher, washes the car, makes a delicious dinner, or puts on a sexy outfit. Then we start to expect that action and finally we demand that they do it. If we could just find ways appreciate more of the things our partner does instead of expect or demand, we would have a happier life. 

I believe that any marriage can benefit from these tips. What would you add to the list? Share your ideas in the comments.