Why Should You Ask Empowering Questions?

The Bible teaches us that if we ask we will get what we request. We learn this principle in Matthew 7:7-8. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”

Our minds are problem solving machines. If posed with a challenge, they will do all they can to explain or resolve the issue. Author Keith Cameron Smith promises that “you will receive answers to any questions you ask, so you’d better ask empowering questions.”

Empowering questions are thought provoking, open-ended questions that invite us to ponder, be open to and look for solutions and opportunities. They typically begin with “what” or “how”. Empowering questions ask what you can do and how you can make it better. They are solutions focused and help you feel good. Empowering questions give you power.

On the other hand, disempowering questions are negative and direct attention to what you can’t do and why things are so hard. They typically start with “why”. Disempowering questions are problem focused and make you feel bad. They take away your power and make you feel like a victim.

Whenever we ask ourselves a question, our minds go straight to finding an answer. If we ask a disempowering question, the mind focuses on all the reasons why that is the case. Whereas, if our questions are empowering, our brains search for solutions.

Let’s look at some examples. If I ask, “Why can’t I lose any weight?” my brain finds all the reasons why I’m not losing weight—I’ve never stuck to a diet. I’ve always been chubby. Remember that extra piece of pizza you ate? Etc., etc., etc. Instead, if I ask, “What can I do to lose 10 pounds?” my brain opens itself up to possibilities and answers flood in—try intermittent fasting, drink more water, exercise for 10 minutes longer, eat smaller portions, etc., etc., etc.

Here’s another one. “How come my son won’t behave?” That’s a disempowering question so all my answers will be examples of his bad behavior. An empowering question could be, “What can I do to help my son be more obedient?” or “How can I respond better to his bad behavior?” or “What do I need to learn so I can teach him the right skills?” The empowering questions are solutions focused.

Recently I had the opportunity to put this into practice. There was a class I wanted to take, but there wasn’t any wiggle room in the budget for me to pay the fee. My first thought was, “Why don’t we have enough money for stuff like this?” but immediately I switched that to “How can I get the money I need to take this class?” Within an hour I had 3 ideas. Asking empowering questions works.

INSTEAD OF. . .	ASK. . .
Why am I so _________ (insert negative trait)?	What did I do right today?
Why can’t I get along with so-and-so?	How can I develop a better relationship with so-and-so?
Why don’t I have any friends?	How can I make a new friend?
Why does this always happen to me?	What can I learn from this?
Why can’t I figure such-and-such a thing out?	What is another way to look at that?

Other Empowering Questions:

How would I do this differently if I knew nobody would judge me?
If I was not afraid, what would I do?
How can I create a healthy lifestyle?
How can I make the best use of my time?
What can I do better tomorrow?
If you had a magic wand, what would you do?
What is the worst case scenario?
Who can help me?
What can I delegate?
What could I do differently next time?
What is funny about this situation?

One last quote from Keith Cameron Smith. “When empowering questions become a part of your habitual way of thinking, you become a powerful and peaceful person. Empowering questions cause you to reach for your full potential. The questions you ask yourself determine the results you get in your life. If you feel like you are not living up to your potential, one reason is because you are asking yourself disempowering questions. As simple as that may sound, it is the truth.”

If you want to find the answer, ask the right question. What empowering questions do you ask?